HOW TO APOLOGIZE GRACEFULLY

We all make mistakes and have the capability to hurt people through our behaviors and actions, whether these are intentional or not. So, we need to learn how to apologize; which shows remorse over an action and an acknowledgment of the hurt that action has caused to someone else.

It is the most effective way to restore trust and balance in a relationship, when you've done something wrong. It opens a dialogue and also shows that you restore dignity to the person you hurt.

Mind you, a sincere apology shows that you're taking responsibility for your actions. This can strengthen your self-confidence, self-respect, and reputation.

On the other hand, refusal to apologize can damage your relationships with colleagues, clients, friends, or family, harm your reputation, limit your career opportunities, and lower your effectiveness as others may not want to work with you.

However, some people still refuse to apologize and it simply means they are either cowards or arrogant because apologies take courage. It's up to you if you want to be this arrogant, but, if you do, don't expect to be seen as a wise or an inspiring leader.

In an article in the Journal of Psycholinguistic Research, psychologists Steven Scher and John Darley present a four-step framework that you can use when you make an apology.

Step 1: Express remorse

Every apology needs to start with two magic words: "I'm sorry," or "I apologize." This is essential, because these words express remorse over your actions. Your words need to be sincere and authentic. Be honest with yourself, and with the other person, about why you want to apologize. Never make an apology when you have ulterior motives, or if you see it as a means to an end. Timeliness is also important here. Apologize as soon as you realize that you've wronged someone else.

Step 2: Admit responsibility

Admit responsibility for your actions or behavior, and acknowledge what you did. Here, you need to empathize with the person you wronged, and demonstrate that you understand how you made her feel. Don't make assumptions – instead, simply try to put yourself  in that person's shoes and imagine how she felt.

Step 3: Make amends

When you make amends, you take action to make the situation right. Think carefully about this step. Token gestures or empty promises will do more harm than good. Because you feel guilty, you might also be tempted to give more than what's appropriate – so be proportionate in what you offer.

Step 4: Promise that it won’t happen again

Your last step is to explain that you won't repeat the action or behavior. This step is important because you reassure the other person that you're going to change your behavior. This helps you rebuild trust and repair the relationship. Make sure that you honor this commitment in the days or weeks to come – if you promise to change your behavior, but don't follow through, others will question your reputation and your trustworthiness.

See more at: http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/how-to-apologize.htm#np