We all make mistakes and have the
capability to hurt people through our behaviors and actions, whether these are
intentional or not. So, we need to learn how to apologize; which shows remorse
over an action and an acknowledgment of the hurt that action has caused to
someone else.
It is the most effective way to
restore trust and balance in a relationship, when you've done something wrong.
It opens a dialogue and also shows that you restore dignity to the person you
hurt.
Mind you, a sincere apology shows
that you're taking responsibility for your actions. This can strengthen your
self-confidence, self-respect, and reputation.
On the other hand, refusal to apologize
can damage your relationships with colleagues, clients, friends, or family,
harm your reputation, limit your career opportunities, and lower your
effectiveness as others may not want to work with you.
However, some people still refuse to
apologize and it simply means they are either cowards or arrogant because
apologies take courage. It's up to you if you want to be this arrogant, but, if
you do, don't expect to be seen as a wise or an inspiring leader.
In an article in the Journal of
Psycholinguistic Research, psychologists Steven Scher and John Darley present a
four-step framework that you can use when you make an apology.
Step
1: Express remorse
Every apology needs to start with
two magic words: "I'm sorry," or "I apologize." This is
essential, because these words express remorse over your actions. Your words
need to be sincere and authentic. Be honest with yourself, and with the other
person, about why you want to apologize. Never make an apology when you have
ulterior motives, or if you see it as a means to an end. Timeliness is also important
here. Apologize as soon as you realize that you've wronged someone else.
Step
2: Admit responsibility
Admit responsibility for your
actions or behavior, and acknowledge what you did. Here, you need to empathize
with the person you wronged, and demonstrate that you understand how you made
her feel. Don't make assumptions – instead, simply try to put yourself in that person's shoes and imagine how she
felt.
Step
3: Make amends
When you make amends, you take
action to make the situation right. Think carefully about this step. Token
gestures or empty promises will do more harm than good. Because you feel
guilty, you might also be tempted to give more than what's appropriate – so be
proportionate in what you offer.
Step
4: Promise that it won’t happen again
Your last step is to explain that
you won't repeat the action or behavior. This step is important because you
reassure the other person that you're going to change your behavior. This helps
you rebuild trust and repair the relationship. Make sure that you honor this
commitment in the days or weeks to come – if you promise to change your behavior,
but don't follow through, others will question your reputation and your
trustworthiness.
See more at:
http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/how-to-apologize.htm#np
The 2Face Peace Awards is a unique peace building project that seeks to find
and support local young and committed peace builders in Nigeria working at the
frontline of conflicts in their communities.
